Monkey Business and political evolution

As a stunning display of political evolution, the parliament was moved to the jungle. How it happened is an unbelievable tale of monkey business.

While the whole planet was slowly losing its green areas, in one small country, somewhere near the sea, there was more and more greenery. Almost the entire country became one big forest. Trees sprouted one after the other, so the number of monkeys also increased.

Their speeches mostly revolve around banana tariffs, tree conservation, and, of course, mandatory daily treatments to exterminate fleas, parasites, and god forbid ticks.

The debate about "swing politics" goes back and forth, while the opposition persistently accuses the ruling party of hoarding bananas.

As the nation looks on in disbelief, the monkeys seem to have mastered the art of political drama, proving that there is always room for monkeys and a little monkeying around in the great political theater.

No one knows how the monkeys occupied the parliament. It happened imperceptibly, little by little. Disinterested people realized this too late.

The streets were full of people running headlong. No one knew where he was in a hurry, but some restlessness in his chest, some uneasy ripple, was unbearable. There are elections in two days. The air was polluted with the euphoria of new elections. "Choices... change", an unspoken whisper seemed to come from all sides. Today, the closing speeches of the candidates can be heard. Baboon and Chimpanzee lead in this merciless race.

Gorilla lost the race right at the beginning when the respected representative Makaki , who was fighting for his second term, threw him from the podium during his speech, before shoving the microphone down his throat. The tip of the microphone saw the light of day on the other side. Later, he made the excuse that he wanted to adjust the microphone to a respected gentleman from the "Grey" party, whose election slogan is: "Nothing in life is black and white". "You know, the microphone is small, I'm clumsy, I have big hands, and things quickly got out of hand. The microphone fell out of my hand and landed right in the yap of my respected opponent Makaki" (he was very proud of his walk-abular). I tried to pull it out, but that little device refused obedience and somehow came out the other end, together with my fist". It was not clear to him how no one from the gathered crowd understood his good intention, so someone called the special forces. In the end, he ended up in a cage to forcefully calm his passion. For him, the election race ended, almost before it started, and Makaki finished his in the inpatient veterinary clinic under the watchful eye of DVM Redass.

The election campaign was a real circus and people had a great time. They didn't care who would lead the country as long as there was bread and circuses. But there was less and less bread. It didn't matter because bananas were available at every turn, and fun was guaranteed everywhere you turned. Especially since the monkeys took over. No one remembers when and how it happened, but everyone remembers the brutal beating of the gorilla. All those who were against the apes were beaten, and after that the entire human race fell into severe apathy. This caused poor banana production, so the monkeys had to come up with a solution. They used their natural talent. They should have just been who they are. It didn't take long for people to accept monkeying as normal behavior, so they started monkeying themselves.

Parliament sessions were particularly interesting. Most of them are opened by the main monkey, the monkey of all monkeys. Tall, pot-bellied, with an upright posture, as one should be Mandrill. He was always dressed in a shirt unbuttoned at the first two buttons with something resembling a tie, knotted rather than tied around the neck, and a jacket whose sleeves were necessarily too long and dirty at the ends. When he wasn't attending parliament sessions, he could relax and walk like a monkey, on all fours. So the sleeves couldn't stay clean, and the suit hadn't been washed since he first put it on. In order to give the other monkeys the impression of importance, he wore glasses. Oversized, without glass and with a gold-plated frame. He was funny to people, but they haven't been asked anything for a long time. In addition to the impression of importance, the monkey of all monkeys had to be persuasive and smart. While he was speaking, he looked around the audience, squinted his eyes, raised his eyebrows as high as he could and gestured with his hands. It was a proven recipe.

He had gestures for every occasion.

When he bragged about the government's successes, actually his own successes, he still led that government, he spoke confidently and no one asked him questions. The monkeys were mostly busy with monkey business and nagging the people in the town hall. 

So a marmoset, otherwise the minister of order and peace, stole Miri's snack, which caused a big revolt because he bought the snack in the parliamentary canteen. Now Miro has to go down to the canteen again to arrive before the new price increase. But he consoled himself that he could have done worse if he had bought a snack in a corner shop not far from the town hall. He would have to be very quick there because the last time he was so reckless, from the moment he entered the store to the time he reached the cash register, his favorite salami had doubled in price. Not only was he not as fast as he used to be when he was much younger and 20 lb lighter, but before buying salami, he stopped to buy a pastry on the way before it became more expensive, and he literally snatched a can of beer from the hand of a guy, who was just about to get ready for the second time affix a new price on that day. The other representatives representing the human race (all three of them) had similar problems, so either they were not in the council or they were fighting with their colleagues from the majority and did not manage to hear the persuasive speech of monkey of all monkeys.

 "Since we took power, we have produced more bananas than ever before, and mango production has increased by 23.47%, which is a total of 59.23% more in banana production and 43.72% more in mango production than 10 years ago, when people ran this country. We aim for that percentage to be significantly higher by the end of next year." He spoke under his breath in a calm tone, reinforcing the impression with his fists folded in front of him with separated palms and joined fingertips, pointed like an arrow at the audience.

A raised tone and a more vigorous gesticulation of stretching the accordion and pointing a finger from which lightning flashes with a narrowed gaze accompanied his response to a question from a journalist of a popular daily about the freedom of the press.

He showed a completely different face when he defended his minister Titi. The same day that Mandril, the chief ape, installed her as minister, she threw away all the papers she found in her office. The ones on the table and in the drawers. She hadn't learned to read well yet and all those scribbles meant nothing to her. But despite her semi-literacy, she was a capable monkey, so she graduated from the High School for Counting Subjects and Basic Calculations. Her ability and resourcefulness did not escape the chief ape who needed such in his ranks. He always spoke of her in superlatives. A capable minister did not need any stupid contracts, useless piles of papers. You simply sit down with a man or a monkey and arrange a job. If something gets stuck, you can always count on the help of boss Mandrilo.

Despite having successfully completed school, at the last deal for some kind of soft-ware that are exclusively used by people, she got a little lost. So what!? Everyone makes mistakes, why shouldn't she. After all, this is her first mistake. Admittedly, it was also the first deal she made, but that's not the topic now. When she realized that she had to pay 10 million bananas more than she should have from the state budget, she had to solve it somehow. Capable and resourceful as she is, so that all those bananas don't go to waste, she kept some for herself and gave some to Mandrill. However, he was always at hand, if needed.

In order to successfully defend his minister, in fact to defend the indefensible, he used all his communication skills: in addition to a raised tone that turned into a roar with foam at the mouth, he added avoiding his eyes, raising his eyebrows excessively, and gesticulating with his hands as if he was simultaneously drowning and chasing away annoying flies. around him and occasionally plays the harmonica.

When Mandril spoke, everyone was as if hypnotized. It doesn't matter at all what or how he says it. He was convincing to the monkeys, and the few people in the parliament are in the minority anyway and their opinion is not important. Even if they rebelled against some senseless law or affair and expressed their opinion, they were quickly silenced.

For example, Bozo, the respected representative of minorities, asked a question about the latest affair that shook the country: "Roads, railways and even rivers are getting harder to cross. Pedestrian crossings, underpasses and bridges have become a real rarity. They were replaced by high posts with ropes and protrusions that only monkeys know how to use. People have a hard time finding their way there. The black chronicles of the daily newspapers were full of news about people who died or drowned by falling from poles or trees."

The Minister of Transport and Infrastructure for Climbing, Orangutan, in a calm tone, using professional terminology, explained to Bozo that bridges and tunnels are an economically and ecologically unacceptable solution.

Bozo's left eye was already slightly shaking at that, which had not yet fully recovered from the last session of the Parliament and the "friendly discussion" with fellow MP Chimpanze.

In order to better clarify the problem, the Minister for Ecology, Trees and Lianas, Mr. Macaklin, added: "Dear MP Bozo. I can't believe that in addition to an apparently simple and above all ecological solution, you want to waste taxpayers' money (in the corridors of the Parliament, the deputies mockingly call them "slackers"). Do you know how much concrete and iron should be poured into your bridges and underpasses? Poles and a couple of ropes are a much simpler and cheaper solution, and when we also plant trees..." Macaklin left the sentence unfinished, so that everyone could understand the genius of his idea.

Bozo was already on the edge. He expected the support of his colleagues from the opposition, but they were busy grooming and trimming fleas from the fur of colleagues sitting nearby. Even more irritated by this betrayal, he began to speak louder. Chairman Gibon gave him a warning and looked significantly at the guards at the entrance to the council. The two scary-looking Gorillas casually shifted their weight from one leg to the other, turning their eyes from the chairman to Bozo. Defiant by nature, Bozo spoke even louder. The chairman struck twice with a wooden hammer to warn Bozo. But he liked it, so he kept hitting it harder and harder until the handle broke.

There was a commotion in the parliament. The monkeys had already forgotten what was being discussed and the squeals and laughter began. One by one, they started climbing the tables, bobbing up and down on their hairy legs and pointing at Gibbon. In the middle of this frenzy, a monkey grabs the microphone and starts howling. Only to interrupt him, another monkey arrives who thinks it's a duet competition and tries to outvote him.

The complete collapse of the system was prevented by one of the Gorillas from the entrance with a deafening roar and a strong pounding in the chest. In a second, everyone was in their seats, and the Minister of Economy took the floor, a tall, thin proboscis monkey, with a round head and a somewhat stiff look.

"Listen, respected representative Bozo. Those underpasses and bridges of yours, it's a waste of money, as well as any gadgets and gizmos you use to cross the road. What are they called... oh... traffic semaphores... is that so." said in a half-witted way Probon looking at Chairman Gibbon. Bozo's blood pressure jumped to the sky. "What a monkey!" - ran through his head. "Traffic lights" - corrected him. "Traffic lights" - he repeated once more, this time a "little" louder.

"Well, that's what I said. Those of you with... whatever you said. Here is me for example. I stand like this in front of one "traffic sem"... that human invention of yours, I stand and stand. Cars pass and pass. Nobody stops. They just run. So how am I going to get over it, Roach-ridden! I've been waiting for sooo long. So long! Until finally a man came by, "his bananas were sweetened", he pressed something and the cars stopped quicker than a chicken in a fox den. I skedaddled while I still could. Who knows how long it would have been if it hadn't been for a random person." All sentences from Probon's mouth were on the verge of intelligibility. The last sentence sounded as if he said: I hightailed it outta there as fast as I could. He excused himself that it was because of his a nose hanging limply between his eyes. A nose that looked like, excuse me, a half-rotten, shriveled banana with the tip down. But the fact is that he was ignorant. Ignorant and ambitious... one of the worst combinations, even for a monkey.

If we stuck some trees on both sides of the road, it'd be like a monkey highway. You just climb a tree, hop, and you're on the other side in a jiffy.

Bozo just rolled his eyes and sat in his seat in despair. There was nothing he could do, he was truly in the minority. One of the 4 people in the parliament. The other 3 were members of opposition parties, but they regularly received crates and crates of the finest bananas for cooperating with the monkey majority. They couldn't eat all those bananas, but they had enough to bribe and trade with the other monkeys from the parliament.

The chairman struck with the rest of the wooden hammer to conclude that the remark of the respected minority representative was not accepted.

"Instead of these BANALITIES", he paused for 2 seconds with a giggle, looked up briefly to see if anyone understood his genius sense of humor and continued. "Let's move on to more important topics!"

"Proposal of respected MP Babun to change the name of Parliament to "Banana Bonanza Bash".

Reasoning: "Parliament is a name chosen by the people and it is nonsense. They are in the minority anyway. "

The monkeys approved this proposal with squeals and screams. They confirmed this by jumping all over the Parliament, now "Banana Bonanza Bash", and some of the deputies made a circle, swinging from chandelier to chandelier and back to their seats."

The chairman just nodded his head, happily hit the rest of the hammer and said in a solemn and official tone: "It is accepted!"

"Further," he continued in a solemn-official tone.

"Since we adopted this, instead of the parliament session in the future we will have: Monkeying."

 The squeals, shouts and howls became even louder. The chairman had to hit with a hammer until his hand hurt, so that all the representatives would return to their seats and be silent.

"It's being adopted!"

"And the last proposal of this monkeying: at each Monkeying, there will have to be a bunch of bananas on the tables at a distance of one arm of the macaques. Banana riot must have at least five bananas, so that the members of the Monkey House can refresh themselves during the hard monkeying. Only humans will have one banana each. They don't even know how to peel a banana properly. He will never learn to hold a banana by the stem and peel it from the top." He directed a reproachful look at Bozo and the three people two rows above him.

All representatives, except Bozo, raised their hands, some and both. This was the best proposal since the monkeys took over parliament.

Bozo, desperate in his helplessness, decides to tell a joke, lest he offend the monkeys. "Do you know why the monkey entered politics? Because  he can jump from party to party!” The chairman looked at him blankly. "And do you know why the monkey entered the parliament? - continue. "That he can jump from topic to topic. No one can catch him either by the head or the tail!” The chairman furiously pounded his fist on the table. He was tired of using the remains of the hammer to maintain order in the Monkey House. "I'm taking away your right to speak! Why would anyone grab a monkey by the head or the tail!? Spread hate speech! You people are racists! This is your second warning! Please leave the Monkey House!”

He didn't finish his sentence, and one of the gorillas was already holding Bozo firmly under his arm and threw him to the other gorilla at the front door. The latter caught Bozo with one hand, the other elegantly in the manner of an elegant butler, opened the door and extended Bozo's path on the other side of the door. He closed the door as elegantly as he opened it. He looked towards the other gorilla. They nodded to each other, smug at a job well done.

The other monkeys, excuse me, deputies, followed the chairman's example and pounded their fists on the counters in front of them, thinking they were part of a drumming orchestra. The more the chairman tried to establish order and hit first with one and then with both fists, the more the other deputies imitated him, thinking that they should do the same. At first everyone followed the same rhythm, but after a minute everyone had their own. They hit harder and harder with both hands. The blows were accompanied by screams. The Concert continued until the counters fell apart. In the ecstasy of monkeying around, the deputies started jumping on the chandeliers. From chandelier to chandelier and to everything they could jump on and swing on. In just 20 minutes, they destroyed the parliament.

There is no doubt that the next monkeying, as it should be, will take place in the forest. There, representatives can freely jump from branch to branch or from topic to topic, howl to their heart's content or hit their fists, without doing very little, almost no damage to the state.